An Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation, vehement that alcohol was the work of the devil.
"As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?"
Grizzly old Mike at the back of the church spoke up, "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the bowl of water."
The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me why he'd drink from the bowl of water?"
"Sure I can tell you why, Father." replied Mike, "Because he's an ass...."
At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese
ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese
ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."
